The Victim, the Villain and the Hero
Dr. Dace Tapley, DBH, MBA, LPC, NCC
Breaking Free: Understanding the Victim, Villain, and Hero Roles in the Trauma Cycle
Trauma can shape us in ways we rarely realize, pulling us into roles we never consciously choose. Often, without knowing it, people find themselves in one of three common roles within the trauma cycle: the victim, the villain, or the hero. These roles offer temporary ways to cope with emotional pain, but they can also keep us stuck, preventing real healing and growth. Understanding these roles can help us break free from the cycle of trauma, reclaim our inner strength, and begin to live authentically.
In this article, we’ll explore each role in the trauma cycle: the victim who remains trapped, the villain who externalizes pain onto others, and the hero who transforms their pain into a tool for growth and service. By unpacking each role, we’ll learn how to recognize these patterns within ourselves and find our way toward the path of the hero.
1. The Victim: Trapped by Trauma’s Comforting Chains
The role of the victim in the trauma cycle often carries a paradox. On one hand, they feel genuinely hurt and overwhelmed by what happened to them, often replaying the trauma over and over. On the other hand, they find subtle, subconscious benefits—known as “secondary gains”—in their suffering. These secondary gains might come in the form of support, sympathy, or even a feeling of importance or validation from others, which can activate the brain’s reward system.
These rewards reinforce the role, making it hard to let go of the “victim” identity. The support and validation received can become an emotional crutch, leading them to avoid the harder work of facing their trauma head-on. According to psychologist John M. Grohol, “Secondary gains refer to those advantages that aren’t directly related to the core goal but provide side benefits.” In this case, the attention and support can serve as motivation to remain in a place of suffering, even if unconsciously.
Practical Tip: For those feeling stuck in this role, start small. Try journaling to explore why you might be holding on to the victim identity. Ask yourself, “What benefits am I getting from this role?” This self-reflection is the first step toward freeing yourself from its grip.
2. The Villain: Projecting Pain as Protection
When trauma festers without a healthy outlet, it can fuel anger, resentment, and bitterness. In the trauma cycle, this emotional overload can cause some people to take on the role of the “villain”—lashing out and projecting their pain onto others. At the heart of this behavior lies the same unhealed trauma, but rather than internalize their suffering, villains deflect it outward, using their hurt as justification for hurting others.
Villains may view the world through a lens of distrust and cynicism, interpreting kindness as weakness and vulnerability as a threat. Rather than admit their pain, they choose to protect themselves by going on the offensive. The villain role allows them to avoid vulnerability, but it ultimately damages relationships and isolates them further. Clinical psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that “When we feel compassion for ourselves, we can also recognize that our suffering doesn’t make us any less deserving of kindness.” If the villain could learn to practice self-compassion, they could begin to dismantle the defensive walls around their pain.
Practical Tip: If you identify with the villain role, consider seeking support from a therapist trained in trauma work. Learning to recognize and release the pain that fuels anger can help shift destructive patterns. Start by practicing self-compassion exercises, such as listing three things you appreciate about yourself daily.
3. The Hero: Choosing Healing and Empowerment
Heroes in the trauma cycle are those who decide to confront their pain, dig deep, and work through the complex emotions involved in trauma. This isn’t an easy path, but it’s the one that leads to the most profound healing and growth. Heroes choose not to be defined by their trauma. They acknowledge the hurt, seek support, and gradually work through their wounds, emerging stronger and more resilient.
Heroes may go on to help others facing similar struggles. This empowerment often stems from a desire to turn their suffering into something meaningful, uplifting others through empathy and shared experience. Heroes embody the wisdom of psychiatrist Viktor Frankl: “In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” By choosing to be the hero, they find purpose in their pain, using it to create change.
Practical Tip: For those working to become the hero, setting small, manageable goals can make a big difference. Start with one simple action, such as reaching out to a friend or therapist, reading a book on trauma recovery, or practicing a mindfulness routine to process difficult emotions. The journey to becoming the hero begins with small steps.
4. Why We Fall Into These Roles – And How to Break Free
The roles of victim, villain, and hero arise from an innate need to make sense of our trauma and survive the emotional fallout. The human brain is wired to seek patterns and solutions, even if they aren’t always healthy. According to trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” When we lack support or self-compassion, it’s natural to adopt roles as coping mechanisms.
To break free, it’s essential to develop self-awareness and understand that healing is an individual journey. Trauma-informed therapy, mindfulness practices, and self-reflection can all be valuable tools. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with effort and patience, we can loosen the grip of these roles on our lives.
Practical Tip: Practice mindfulness by setting aside five minutes each day to tune in to your body and mind. Notice where you might be carrying stress or tension. This simple exercise can help increase self-awareness and guide you toward healthier responses.
5. Building a New Identity Beyond Trauma
One of the challenges of stepping out of the trauma cycle is building a new sense of self. When trauma defines us, it’s easy to rely on these roles as a sense of identity. But true healing happens when we realize we are more than our trauma. Building a life that feels authentic and fulfilling takes time, but it starts with small, intentional changes.
Seek out relationships, activities, and communities that support your healing journey. Whether it’s through creative pursuits, community work, or new hobbies, these choices can foster a stronger, healthier identity.
Practical Tip: Make a list of things you enjoy or have wanted to try. Dedicate some time each week to exploring these interests, helping you connect with a sense of purpose and joy beyond the trauma cycle.
6. Seeking Support: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Healing from trauma is challenging, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapists, support groups, and trusted friends can be invaluable sources of strength. They provide a compassionate perspective that can help you see your potential and break free from these roles. Reaching out for support is a brave step on the hero’s journey.
According to trauma specialist Dr. Judith Herman, “Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation.” Finding a supportive community can make all the difference in building a new, healthy narrative for yourself.
Practical Tip: Consider finding a local or online support group dedicated to trauma recovery. Hearing others’ stories can help you feel less isolated and inspire you to keep moving forward.
Conclusion: Choosing the Hero Within
The roles of victim, villain, and hero are all responses to pain, each one attempting to shield us in its own way. But ultimately, only the hero’s path leads to true freedom. Choosing to work through trauma rather than be defined by it is a courageous and life-affirming decision. While it takes effort and dedication, becoming the hero in your own story is possible. It’s a journey of reclaiming power, building resilience, and, ultimately, finding meaning in the pain.
Remember, while the trauma cycle may shape your story, it doesn’t have to define your ending. Take heart, find your strength, and trust that each step forward, no matter how small, is one step closer to a life beyond the trauma.